Turn to Him

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness this week as I've been reading from John Gottman's book, "the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". He was talking about the two types of conflicts we have in marriage which are the solvable problems or the perpetual problems, or in other words you can resolve them or you won't. When he talked about the perpetual problems he said that the "majority of marital conflicts fall into this category - 69 percent to be exact". I just kept thinking that seems really high. I wondered if it would really be that high if we allowed Jesus Christ to be part of our marriages. I know that He helps us to change individually, so why wouldn't He help our marriages too.

As I was reading I kept thinking about Jesus Christ and how He is the Master Healer. He suffered in a garden for us and died on a cross, so that He could help. He performed the Atonement, so our hearts could be changed and made whole as we repent. He can heal our hearts so that struggles we have had previously and presently are no longer problems. It doesn't matter whether the conflict we are having is in our marriage, with our parents, our family, a friend, co-worker, neighbor, stranger, or anyone else; because of Jesus Christ our hearts can change. HE will soften what was once hard and we will become clay in HIS hands, so that HE can mold us into becoming WHO we can Become! In the Bible in Jeremiah 18:6 the Lord says, "As the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand." When we are humble in our relationships, we can become clay in our Savior's hands. He will help heal our hearts and mend our conflicts. He will make us more than we could ever be without Him!






To receive His help, we need to be humble. I love the definition of the word humble. It means to bring down the pride of or to reduce someone to a lower state. A potter shows us how this work when working with clay. He takes a block of clay that is hard in his hands, but by working with it, it slowly becomes softer and workable. The potter is able to sculpt beautiful creations because it is able to soften in the master's hands. When our hearts are softened we can be made into something great. Our marriages and our other relationships can grow because we are softening our hearts. It takes diligent effort and the skill of someone who is a master to make a beautiful creation.




This reminds me of an experience I had a number of years ago. I went on a group date to a friend's house where we used his mother's potting wheel. We all attempted to sculpt bowls and cups, but they were nothing anyone would have wanted to buy. We weren't even sure if they would have held any water without leaking. They weren't beautiful creations, but we gave it our best. In contrast his mother's work was really amazing. They had beautiful vases, bowls, and cups in their home. She was more of a master. I think this illustrates how when we try to make something of ourselves, our marriages, and our relationships on our own, we may sometimes only produce something that was considered okay. We may even wonder at the work we have produced, but when we turn our lives/relationships "our clay" over to the Master, He makes beautiful creations. He makes us and our relationships better than we ever could have made them on our own!



H. Wallace Goddard said, "in our marriage, we give gladly and wholeheartedly. We give everything we have and are. And we ask God to increase our capacity so we can give yet more."(Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage) I know when we give our best, there is still more we can give. We can give our hearts in prayer to God. We can ask for His help to increase our ability to forgive our spouse, our family, and others. As we do this I think we become more spiritually mature. Goddard said, "When we become more spiritually mature, we are more likely to enjoy our partner as a total package." I would insert there that we would also enjoy our family and those around us more.

Like I have mentioned in previous posts being prideful is the opposite of humility. When we are prideful we become set in our ways, our hearts are hard just as the clay in the potter's hands. It takes a lot of work to soften. Pride in any relationship is a great stumbling block to having better relationships. So, when we experience conflict in our relationships we can choose to make those problems solvable by being humble and involving the Savior in the process. You may not like how your spouse, parent, or anyone else treats you but by taking those concerns to HIM who knows you and your heart, you can receive help. We in turn can learn how to consecrate ourselves to the Lord and to our relationships.

H. Wallace Goddard said, " Consecration in marriage is... about becoming qualified for the life we will presumably be living there(heaven). This requires a transformation of character. In serving and giving to those within our family stewardship as well as demonstrating patience and continually forgiving our spouses for all the ways they might not meet our expectations, we have the opportunity to emulate Christ, thus transforming ourselves."(Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage)

We need to forgive in our conflicts! If you are having a hard time forgiving, turn to Jesus Christ, who is the Master. Try an experiment in trusting Him. Goddard said, "He will answer every experiment with the same result: love, joy and peace are the fruits of trusting Him." Take a look at your relationships. Are there any where forgiveness could take place? Could the perpetual problems in your marriage or relationships be taken to the Savior? Turn to Him and He will mend your hearts!