I had an experience like this right after I started on my mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was receiving training before heading to Florida where I was going to serve. I didn't get along great with my companion I was assigned to be with and we were having some difficulties. My teacher pulled me aside and asked me if I would pray to love this sister. I began praying for her every day that I would see her as God did and be able to feel His love for her. It was pretty neat to feel the difference it made in my heart. We were able to finish our time together on better terms and it strengthened me to feel God's love for someone else. So, even if you aren't married you have co-workers, roommates, family members, neighbors, and lots of other people you can strengthen your relationships with by praying to see them as God does. Maybe you have had an experience like this that has helped you see someone in a new light.
Another experience I had towards the end of my mission was as missionaries we were praying for all these people we were working with, specifically on how we could help them. We prayed for them morning and night. As we prayed for them, Heavenly Father would teach us what we needed to teach them and help them with because Heavenly Father loves all of his children. All the people we were praying for, and us missionaries had so many miracles happen in our lives. It was amazing! I think the important thing I learned here was the importance of being specific in our prayers. If I'm having a hard time with someone don't just pray that it will go away or that whatever needs to happen to fix it will work out. I need to pray specifically like we did for all these people.
In the book "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage", H. Wallace Goddard gave an example about a woman who was trying to find love again for her spouse. She was miserable. She tried for a couple weeks with sincere effort to change and nothing did. He then shared, "She begged God to change her husband. God invited her to change herself. ... She began trying to see her husband as Jesus saw him, And she felt invited to look for the good in him." Her heart changed and she finally felt love for him again. Maybe your experience isn't as dire as this or maybe it is, the big thing is that we look to change ourselves. As we work on ourselves it's easier to find in one another the things that are good. If you have a hard time finding the good in one of your relationships, take a minute or two and write down something that's good about the other person. Maybe they have really good hygiene, or they work hard. Maybe they have a great smile and they use it often when telling people hello. Start small if that's all you can think of and grow your list from there on the good you find in the other person. I think you'll see a big improvement and you'll draw closer together by rebuilding that friendship that started the relationship in the first place.
I came across this quote by Marvin J. Ashton in Goddard's book that I think ties into looking for the good in each other. He said, "The greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down."
As I read this quote I had the thought, that I could implement these teaching on charity into my prayers and pray for my husband, children and others more specifically. I could learn to be more accepting of their weaknesses and look for their good. I could pray to love them as God does and to see them as He does. Goddard said, "As we feel the love from Him and for Him, we naturally love like Him." As I have been doing this over the last couple days I have felt a difference in my marriage. The relationships with my kids has been better. The relationships with those I have struggled with has improved. It has been really neat and I have loved having this experience! I'm definitely going to continue to do this in my life and to teach my children to do this in their lives.
As we each look at our own unique relationships I hope we can realize the importance of charity. Having love for your spouse or others allows you to see both sides when conflicts arise. It brings hope and belief when you are making big decisions. It helps us bear and endure all things when we are trying to manage challenges that happen. It enhances all our relationships and gives them added strength. Through charity we learn to be kind and think of others. We can see our spouses and others as God sees them because He loves us! I hope you can see those in your life through new eyes this week and evaluate how you can have greater charity in those relationships that matter most to you!
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