Each of us are going to face trials and tests in life and our marriages. It's how we face opposition in marriage that shows us if our marriage is based on a contract or a covenant. “Elder Bruce C. Hafen gave a talk called "Covenant Marriage" and in it he shared how those in a contract marriage (when faced with challenges) walk away because it's not what they bargained for.” Those in a covenant marriage stay to work through them. They marry to grow and to give of themselves. He said, "Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent."
I wouldn't want to be in a marriage where my spouse was only going to give 50 percent of themselves to making our marriage work. It reminds me of group projects. In those groups you have some people that give it everything they've got and others who are riding the coat tails of the rest of the group. You have the one who doesn't show up until the last meeting, hoping that they will get full credit. Then you have the one you've only ever heard of. They never show up and you never hear anything from them. The most difficult is when you have the person in your group who said they would do a really important part and they never participate past the first meeting. You call them. You see them at school. It's always one excuse after the other and they never do it. It leaves others scrambling to get the project done and no one wants to work with them again.
You have each of these types in marriage. You have the spouse who gives their marriage everything they have, even when they've been given a big load to carry. Then you have another type of spouse who shows up but doesn't really do any work. Another one who sees their marriage about to fail and finally puts in the last ditch effort at the very end hoping those efforts will save their marriage. Then another one who doesn't really seem to worried about getting married. They have more important things to do. They are the marriage companion that will come when the Lord fulfills His promises on the other side! Lastly you have the contract companion. They vow they will honor and support their spouse. They showed up on their wedding day but when there was more required they couldn't be counted on. They had other things they put ahead of their spouse and their marriage. It was more than they bargained for. Their marriage failed because they gave into those things that Elder Hafen calls the wolves that test our marriage.
You have each of these types in marriage. You have the spouse who gives their marriage everything they have, even when they've been given a big load to carry. Then you have another type of spouse who shows up but doesn't really do any work. Another one who sees their marriage about to fail and finally puts in the last ditch effort at the very end hoping those efforts will save their marriage. Then another one who doesn't really seem to worried about getting married. They have more important things to do. They are the marriage companion that will come when the Lord fulfills His promises on the other side! Lastly you have the contract companion. They vow they will honor and support their spouse. They showed up on their wedding day but when there was more required they couldn't be counted on. They had other things they put ahead of their spouse and their marriage. It was more than they bargained for. Their marriage failed because they gave into those things that Elder Hafen calls the wolves that test our marriage.
He mentions how every marriage will be tested, and if you are married you know that is true. The three kinds of wolves that will test us are natural adversity, our own imperfections, and excessive individualism. The wolf I feel that has tested my marriage the most is natural adversity. My husband and I have experienced many natural struggles like my dad dying, sickness, having multiple miscarriages, job changes, financial challenges, moving, children, and school to name just a few. Each of you probably have had some similar challenges and are able to recall the times it was really hard. It's what you did during those hard times that give you strength. We learned during our phases of struggle that we weren't going to give up. We had committed to do our part and we did. We grew closer together. We were like the student giving 100% on the project. For others maybe it's your own imperfections that test your marriage, or the need to have your own space and being left alone. Whatever it is, don't let the wolves win. Stay close to each other.
Elder Hafen reassures us, "When we observe the covenants we make at the altar of sacrifice, we discover hidden reservoirs of strength." He shared further insight by declaring, "Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith; they must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other. They will discover ... incomprehensible joy."
As we honor our covenants and are willing to sacrifice for each other, strength and joy do come and together we are able to beat the wolves that are testing our marriages! So, lets keep our covenants we made at marriage. Give it 100% so the other person in our group, (Our Spouse), will benefit from our efforts as well. It's when we do these things that we find strength to keep going, to move forward and draw closer together. Make your marriage a covenant one full of joy!
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