The Power of Family Councils

I don't know if you like Sundays, but over the last 5 months I have come to love Sunday more than any other day. I have always liked it but we added something into our Sunday routine that has made a big impact on our family. We decided to begin officially holding Family Councils. We use to just talk and see how things were going when a difficult situation would arise, but felt that we needed to change it up a little bit. On a typical Sunday after we get home from church we gather our children together to discuss our upcoming week. We talk about what we learned. We ask them if they have any questions. We may talk about something that is going well. Usually my husband or I talk about a challenge we are having as a family and we discuss what we can do to improve in that area.

On the first Sunday of the month though we do something extra special. Our children probably love this Sunday the most, as do my husband and I! As a couple we do interviews with each of our kids. We pull them aside and talk to them about what their goals are Socially, Spiritually, Physically and Intellectually. It is really neat to see them talk about what they are learning or what we can do to help them. Sometimes they tell us they want to change their goal because it's not working out. So, we discuss and help them so they can be successful in accomplishing their goals. We begin this time together with having them say a prayer and we end it by my husband or I praying for them. We express lots of love and care for our children.

It has been a neat experience to take the time to talk to each of our children with just one of them and us. It has helped me feel greater love and appreciation for their unique gifts and abilities. Something I felt to do after becoming a certified mentor a year ago, was to take notes from each of those interviews. Those notes have been so valuable in helping us remember the important things they are telling us, and to help us remember to follow up with our children. I can go back to any interview and see the progress my children are making. I can see where they are struggling and be reminded of what I need to pray for concerning them. I'm also able to note funny things they say. Like this month my son was telling me what he wanted for Christmas and there was a specific treat he wanted. He said he hadn't had it in so long, probably like 244 years. He's 5, so it was really funny. My husband and I have our own folder as well for when we have our counseling time together. By keeping notes we can strengthen our marriage and family. It reminds me of a quote by James E. Faust. He said, "Revelation recorded is revelation received." I feel like what we are talking about in these times together is revelation for me in how to best help my family. 

As my husband and I have implemented these councils into our family we have tried what Richard B. Miller, a professor in the School of Family Life at BYU, talked about when he talked about power relationships in families. He said, "Parents work together in their leadership in the family ... It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children." We have found that as we work together and are united in our efforts that we have greater love in our marriage and family. Miller goes on to say, "happy relationships are most likely to occur in marriages where the couple shares power and has a true partnership." This is exactly what we have found. We have been able to share power in our relationship and we have an equal relationship where we can support each other in raising a righteous and happy family.

If you are looking for ways to strengthen your family, look towards starting a family council in your home. If you live with roommates, than find a way to sit down and talk to them in a spirit of love as you discuss the challenges that may be happening for each of you. If it's just you and your spouse coming together I think it allows your hearts to soften and deepen the love you have for each other. Taking the time for our marriages, our families and our relationships helps us have greater peace and love in those relationships that matter most. Make the time and you'll be glad you did. If you don't have a great experience the first time or the second time, keep at it. It will happen! Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are great family relationship built in one family council!