What codes am I receiving?

        Over the last couple weeks I have done a lot of driving to visit family and friends in Utah and Wyoming.  On the first day of my trip my car kept giving me the code "Transmission Hot".  It was freaking me out a bit since it was just me and the kids.  Well, over the weekend I went to this class and Meg Johnson spoke. (Look her story up and all she does, it's amazing.)  One of the things she said we should ask ourselves when we are going through a trial, struggle, challenge, or anything difficult is "What can  I learn from this ... (whatever it is)?"

        So the other night I was driving my car and asked Heavenly Father what was I suppose to learn from this car problem.  Immediately a thought came to my mind that I'm like the transmission.  The code had come up on my car from driving and pushing my car all day.  I realized that Heavenly Father was right.  I push and push myself and sometimes forget to stop and take care of the problems that are showing up in my life.  As I drove I would pull over when the code would come up, and I would be super worried about it.  Then the code would turn off and I would start driving again.  A ways down the road the code would pop up again.  I'd pull over or slow down until it turned off.  Finally it stopped showing up so frequently and I stopped worrying about it so much.

        It's the same way with our own lives.  We have situations that come up that let us know we are having a problem.  We then focus on the problem for a little bit until it seems like everything is okay. Then it may be the next day or week later and we are triggered again.  I realized with me that most of the time I focus on the problem enough to put the band-aid on and move forward.  I bury the problem because I really don't have the time to fix what is really going on.  So, for two weeks now I've been having this struggle with my car and I keep putting the band-aid on instead of fixing it.

        When a problem comes up in our cars it means something is going wrong.  Our car is trying to get our attention focused on something specific so we can give it the attention it needs and fix it.  How often in our own lives do problems come up and we get upset or frustrated instead of looking at the opportunity we are being given to fix a challenge in our life?  I don't want to run like a hot transmission that is constantly pushed to it's max and seems to never get a relief.  I want to run like a well oiled machine because I take care of the challenges, trials and other difficulties that come up in my life when they happen, not when I finally explode or over heat.

         As we work on looking at the things we can learn and what is triggering those situations that may keep being presented in our lives, lets deal with them and be healed!  Lets run more smoothly and efficiently as we work on becoming!  So, ask yourself, "What is the code I'm receiving?  What can I learn from it?  What can I adjust in my life so my 'transmission' (my body, mind, and soul) runs smoothly?

Words of Yesterday, Guide us Through Today

I read a talk a couple months ago that mentioned pancake people.  Pancake people are people who know a little bit about a lot of things.  They have so many things they are doing that they struggle to have depth to them.  They are like a thin pancake that runs all over the griddle instead of keeping it's structure.  The good thing about a pancake that is runny is that it can be thickened.  It just needs a little bit more thickening to get depth and structure.

As I have been thinking about this, I keep thinking where do I go from here.  I feel like I have been making progress but now it's the point where there is more than one area that really needs working on.  Where do I begin?  What thing about myself and my thought patterns do I work on changing first?  What is going to propel me forward in the direction I'm suppose to go?  As I debated over these questions in my mind I knew the source where I could find answers.  I knew that if I prayed I would receive help.  God wants me to move forward and will help me go the direction He needs my life to go.  As I prayed I was reminded of an experience I had before.  It was an experience I had written down so I remembered it very well.  I knew what I needed to do.  The thing I wanted to share isn't about what I needed to do to change personally, but about how I remembered what I needed to do to.

As I have struggled with self-worth, purpose and trying to figure out who I needed to become I have kept a very good journal.  I write my thoughts, feelings, and impressions that come.  I have done this for years because my journal was my outlet.  I could write and it was for me.  I could write what I was struggling with and not feel judged.  I could write about the great days and the bad days.  I wrote what I was learning and  understanding on this journey I'm on to become the best version of myself.  I was able to see my progress because I had kept track of it.

So, as we are trying to move forward journals allow us to look back at where we have been and to see the things we have learned.  It helps us see how far we have come and how we incorporated the inspiration we received into our new belief system about ourselves.  We are each capable of receiving insights into ways we can improve and we are also able to see and feel the good things we are doing.  I know God wants to guide us.  A quote by Elder James E. Faust that stands out to me every time I receive inspiration is, "Revelations recorded is revelation received."  If we are writing down the things we are receiving we will continue to be guided.  As we write down the inspiration and thoughts that come we will be able to look back on those words for guidance in the future.

Just like today I remembered what I needed to do because I wrote it down in my journal.  Try it out.  If you already keep a journal, read back through it.  You'll be surprised by how much you have grown and all the amazing insights you have received.  If you don't keep a journal go get one.  I use the composition books all the time and I love them!   If it sounds too hard just give it a try because it will change your life.  I know it has mine and I love going back and reading through what I have learned.  It lets me see that I am moving forward even if at times it has been slower than I wanted, it's still forward.  I'm excited for the experiences you have with your journals and the things it will teach you about yourself. Good Luck!

Heal the Past, to Move Forward

Every time I try to progress forward in my journey to becoming better it seems that I get snagged by a false belief, experience or it becomes painful to change.  I've realized that if I want to move forward I need to work on healing from the things that have happened in my life.  Maybe I haven't allowed myself to really grieve the loss of something or someone important in my life.  Maybe I haven't forgiven myself or others for choices that have been made or things that have been said.  I just know that if I want to move forward I need to work through those things so the hurt is in the past and I can move forward having remembered what I learned instead of dwelling on the past.  

Thinking about healing has made me think of my post from last week about the Savior and the lasting relief He offers us.  Going back to the stick analogy I would want it removed immediately so I could begin the healing process even though I know it will probably hurt worse getting it removed than the actual event that caused it.  On a smaller scale, it seems that every time I get a sliver the sliver doesn't hurt as bad once I have it, but it really starts hurting once I get it removed.  The skin around the wound has been agitated and now my body knows it needs to work on healing a certain part of my body.  Those first couple days are rough.  The area is sore and tender.  

It is the same way with the things we are trying to change in our own lives.  We each have our own slivers that may have caused pain initially but then maybe we didn't want to deal with it, so it has now become a part of us.  It doesn't cause us constant pain like it use to, but every once in a while something touches it and it hurts.  These feelings, experiences, or challenges are tough to deal with and maybe we don't want to or know how to get rid of these 'slivers' in our lives.  I understand this because I have been through it.  It's scary to know that changing may hurt and we don't know how long the hurt lasts for.  It is possible to change and heal completely though.  

Yes, it takes time and it is often challenging as we learn how to heal.  We all have watched or seen a scratch or cut heal.  It takes a little bit of time, but eventually you forget you had ever had a scratch or cut.  When you take care of it to start with by applying healing ointment it heals quicker.  Just like the healing ointment, Christ is the healing balm in our lives  When we allow ourselves the time to heal and go to Jesus Christ for His help we find lasting relief and healing .  We must turn to Him for His help in healing so that we can become the best we can be.   I hope I can remember, that to move forward I need to heal my past through Christ's help and by healing it will propel me forward.  What are you going to do to allow yourself to heal, so you can truly progress on your journey? 

The Source of Our Relief

Heavenly Father is really good about teaching me important lessons attached to experiences that I will remember.  Like, the other day I had an awful migraine and I had tried tylenol and lots of water, but nothing was working.  I remembered that I had this pouch with a bunch of vitamins and caffeine in it that I figured would help.  I took that pouch with some water and within minutes my head was feeling better.  I started doing all the things I needed to do with making dinner and cleaning up the house.  For the next hour or two I felt really good, then it started in my stomach.  I started feeling really sick and nauseous.  All night my stomach hurt and then my headache started coming back.  It lasted through the next day.  

I was way over feeling sick when I decided I better write a letter to Heavenly Father and in my journal before going to bed.  It was in that quite moment he taught me how much He is aware of us.  I learned that me taking caffeine was a temporary fix for my headache because it came back.  Also, that there are many things like that all around us that are only temporary fixes.  Satan is the one that leads people to believe in temporary fixes because of the lure of feeling a more immediate relief.  When I'm feeling depressed or lonely, sometimes I sit on my bed and watch a show.  While I'm watching the show I feel relief from my own emotions, but when it is over the emotions come back with a greater intensity.  I know I haven't dealt with what is really going on and have just put a bandage on the problem.  

A visual comes to mind, that instead of pulling the piece of wood out that is sticking out of my leg I put a bandage on it hoping that will make it feel better.  I'm looking for a bandage instead of someone to pull the piece of wood out.  If I just keep putting a bandage on then the cut is going to get infected and it's going to start affecting other parts of my life.  I'll be more prone to other injuries and sickness.  Pretty soon I'll lose that leg, but if I get someone who is qualified to pull it out I will heal.  My leg will heal up and the only mark after some time will be a scar from where it was in my leg. 

How often do we look at the trials and struggles in our lives and search for a quick fix?  There are people that turn to all sorts of 'fixes' such as alcohol, food, exercise, eating disorders, pornography, mentally stepping out, Facebook, games on our phones, and other things to find relief.  We know those things don't fix the trial or whatever is going on, but it does allow for temporary relief.  So, why settle for temporary relief when there is true lasting relief that can be permanent?  Our Savior, Jesus Christ offers the permeant relief we all want.  I wouldn't want to keep a big piece of wood in my leg forever with a bandage, even though I know I often do.  I'm just thankful for the reminder from my Heavenly Father that taught me those 'pieces of wood' can be healed and removed permanently by our Savior, Jesus Christ.

So, the next time when you are feeling terrible, life is out of control, or whatever the struggle may be think about the source you are turning to for relief.  I know that understanding this and being able to see this visual has changed how I look at it.  I hope to be better in the future and learn how to turn to my Savior for relief all the time. 

A New Day

I've been having the hardest time writing my thoughts down because I felt that once I had shared my thoughts I had to be different somehow.  It was like I had to live up to someone else's expectation of me and where I was headed.  I finally had some clarity though.  I'm not writing my thoughts on a blog because someone told me I should.  I'm writing my thought down because I felt that God wanted me to.  He is the one that knows what I need to write and share.  He is the one that knows where I am going and who I can become.  When I listen to what He tells me, then it's easier to think and feel truth.  I feel peace and have understanding.  When I listen to what I think others want me to say or how they want me to interpret certain situations I get confused.  I don't like being confused.  I like having that sense of clarity that lets you see how things are working together.  I like having purpose and direction which I'm sure is what many of us are searching for.

So, today is a new day.  A day for me to listen to what God wants for me.  He is the one that is teaching me how to be the best version of myself.  He will use people along the way to help lift and encourage me, but ultimately it is through His guiding hand.  When I do things the way He guides me to I'm a better person.  Of course, I'm also stubborn so I kick against what He says and continually find myself back in a confused state wondering why I didn't listen to Him as He was guiding my life.  I don't want to keep experiencing this up and down and twirl around motion.  I want to move upward and forward.  Hopefully I'll be able to give you the real version of me that struggles, triumphs, progresses and is guided because I know those things are what help us on our journey of becoming who we need to become.

The Tortoise and the Hare

Do you ever feel like you get burnt out?  I have felt that often throughout my life.  I push myself too hard and then I lake the motivation to keep going at the same pace.  When I do something I don't like to give 50% or less than 100%.  I like to give it everything I've got until I'm completely exhausted.  That's what happened over this last weekend.

We have tree stumps, weeds, and clumps of dirt all over our yard.  When one says yard I think nice grass you can play in.  Our yard was the opposite of that.  It was a trap for all sorts of entanglements with the gopher holes, the torn down fences, and the piles of weeds.  So, we decided that over the next few weeks we were going to rip all the junk out and get rid of it, till the dirt and get some grass planted.  I started Friday and loaded the trailer with the branches and tree stumps from the yard.  Then I ripped out a fence and raked all the weeds together.  Then I took a the load of wood and dumped it at my in-laws, just so I could get back and burn all the weeds before my husband came home.  I got it done, but I was exhausted.  I knew we still had another couple of hours worth of work left with a little tractor and getting the tree stumps out.  We worked until dark and the next day we finished off that project at our house and went to my in-laws to take out their tree stumps.  I fell into bed Saturday night exhausted.  My body ached but felt good from the physical labor.  Monday came and I attacked the yard again with the tiller going full steam ahead.  By Wednesday my body was so tired and sore I didn't want to do anything. 

I felt it hit.  I didn't want to keep up with my projects.  I didn't think I could keep up this maniac pace of going and going.  I knew from the cycle I was seeing that I was going to crash.  I prayed to ask for help to be able to keep going and I had the gentle reminder come to mind of the story, "The Tortoise and the Hare".  I instantly knew, I was the hare.  The hare in the story just wants to win so he sprints from the get go.  Then he gets so far ahead he lays down to rest.  When he wakes up the tortoise has passed him, so he sprints off to pass the tortoise once again.  Once he is far ahead and quite tired from sprinting he lays down to take a rest.  This happens throughout the story.  The racing to get ahead, then the resting from being tired and thinking he can take a break. The tortoise ends up winning because he was slow, steady, and consistent.  He kept up a sustainable pace.  What I have been doing throughout my life is being like the hare.  I want to do it right now and I want it to be great, so I sprint.  Then I get burnt out and decide to take a rest.  Then it's weeks sometimes before I get back up to sprint again on the projects I have.  This may seem crazy to do the back and forth thing, but I know there are probably times in everyone's lives when they have this experience.  

I'm hoping that I can learn the importance of being steady and consistently doing things every day which will help me win the race.  There is a scripture I love that says, "By small and simple things are great thing brought to pass."  Small things are things we can consistently do every day that make the great things happen in our lives.  Praying is something simple to do but do we do it consistently?  Are we expressing gratitude every day?  It's a really small thing to do, but when you do it the whole world seems so much brighter.  Then you look at the other things in our lives that we do consistently that aren't helping us move forward.  I'm sure that everyone has something like this in their life.  I know I have things I do that aren't helping me and things that are.  I know I'm much happier when I'm doing the small and simple actions that are bringing great blessings and changes into my life.  When I make my baby giggle and we laugh together, there is nothing sweeter.  When I consistently pray with my kids they learn who to turn to.  When I sit and play on my phone, then that's what they want to do too.  I'm the role model for my children and the one who gets to teach them how to learn consistency through small and simple things.  I'm grateful for stories that teach me the lessons of life and how I can change to become someone better on my journey. 

Focus on the Best Things

Have you ever been so overwhelmed at all there is to do in a day, a week, a month, or a lifetime?  There is a lot of good things for us to do and to put our focus on.  As I've been thinking about the things there are to do, I was reminded of a talk and an experience I had almost two years ago.

We were living in Texas and I had been trying to start a new business, which wasn't working out great.  I was really sick and trying to get rid of a cancer causing parasite in my uterus.  I had recently had two miscarriages.  I had three children under three.  I was stressed out.  I saw everything the people on my Facebook feed were doing and I wondered how I would ever keep up.  I knew there were so many things I wanted and needed to do, but how was I ever going to find the time to do them.  I felt overwhelmed thinking about everything, but I had to keep pushing forward because everyone around me was.  I was becoming depressed because of this weight I was carrying.  

Then one day as I was studying my scriptures I had this thought come.  It wasn't related to anything I was reading, but I decided I had better act on it.  The thought was, "Write down all the things that I wanted or needed to do." So, I began writing a list down of all these things.  I was writing furiously because there was just so much to do.  As I got to about number 17 on my list I had another thought come to mind.  The thought was, "Now go back through your list and cross off everything you want or need to do because someone else does it or they told you, you need to."  As I began crossing off things on my list, I'm thinking to myself,  "Why am I doing this?  I don't understand what this is all about."  Then another thought came for me to look back at my list.  As I looked at the scribbled writing of things I thought were so important many of them were crossed out.  There were a few things left on my list which I don't remember what they are now but they all had something in common.  They were all something that I had received a prompting from the Spirit to do.  I began crying as I realized that my load seemed a bit lighter, and that maybe I could keep pushing forward and actually enjoy it.

The next day I read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks titled "Good, Better, Best".   I knew why I had, had those promptings the previous day because He wanted me to focus on the best things, even though the other things on my list I'm sure were good things or even better things, he wanted me to focus on the best.  That experienced has changed my life and I've thought about it a lot since I had it because I see it all the time.  I get around women and men who will say they are so busy because they have so much to do.  Then there are others who will say they feel overwhelmed because of all there is to do and they don't know where to even start.  I've come to learn the place to start is by talking to the Lord or writing down a list.  

Write down a list of the things you want to do or need to do.  Go through it and get rid of the stuff that someone else told you, you need to do or that you want to do.  Then look at the remainder.  If there still feels like there is a lot of things mark them by what the good, better or best things are.  The things left on my list were things God had told me to do, but all the other things I was trying to do were crowding the best things out of my life.  When I focused on the best things on that list I felt peace and let go of all those things that I had scratched off my list.  It doesn't mean none of those things will at some point become the best things for me to do, but it does mean that right then the Lord knew what was best for me.  He knows whats best for all of us and the best things for us to focus on.  I'm grateful that He reminded me of that this morning as I was studying and came across Elder Oaks talk once again.  He must have known I needed a reminder to focus on the best things right now and spending time with my kids is one of those! So, until another prompting comes I'll be playing in the dirt with my kids. 

Listen & Act

I had one of those days yesterday where I wondered to myself, "Why did I have kids?"  They had been into everything all day long.  There had been multiple fights and tantrums.  My daughter had yelled at me telling me it was my fault we had missed a performance of "The Little Mermaid", not even thinking about the 30 minutes we spent sitting in the parking structure that was bursting at the seams with cars looking for spots as well.  By the end of the day I knew I needed to do something different, but I wasn't sure what.

So, as I started into my night time routine with my kids I had some thoughts come.  I started with my oldest son and began with a little massage I do to ease his muscles from growing pains and the things that weigh on him during the day.  As I'm massaging him I ask him how his day was.  He tells me, "It was the worst day ever."  I asked him why.  He says, "Because we didn't go to the park, we didn't watch a movie as a family, I didn't get to be home with everyone."  My heart softens to hear the things that make up his worst day and I just want to love away his worries.  I'm pretty sure I can fix at least the first two things on his list and realize when he is home with everyone we need to be with everyone.  We need to put away the electronics and talk.  He tells me, "Mom, I love talking."  I said, "If you could talk all day long you would, huh?" "Yep!"  He just wants to talk with us, so I want to make sure we are talking and listening to each other more as a family.  I tell him goodnight and that I love him so much.  Then I say, "Lets make tomorrow the best day ever!"  He grins from ear to ear and goes to sleep with a great weight off his shoulders.

I move onto my third who's a boy.  He loves the massage and constantly tells me, "Mom, one more time."  By the time I'm done giving him a massage that one time turned into 10 or 15.  He tells me about the cars laying in his bed and asks me to tell him a story.  He wanted my time and attention, which I hadn't done a very good job at that day.  He seems to have more worries when I don't focus on spending daily quality time with him and he needs that from me and his dad.  At the end of his massage I ask him if he feels better.  He nods his heavy eyes and snuggles in.  I tell him goodnight and that I love him.  He says, "Love you, Mom."  What a sweet little boy.

Then I finally get over to my daughter's room.  I sit down and ask her if she wants a hand massage.  She says, "Yes!"  I ask her how her day was and she says, "It was pretty good Mom except when you yelled at me for being out of my seatbelt when we were driving."  I explained to her why I had yelled about the seatbelt and why she needed to wear her seatbelt.  I told her I wanted her to be safe and how her seatbelt would protect her if we were in an accident.  I told her I loved her so much I wanted to protect her, and that maybe I shouldn't have yelled but she wasn't listening.  That is when the thought came to me of how Heavenly Father works.

Heavenly Father would take the time with us each night to talk about our concerns, worries, triumphs, and anything else every night before we went to bed if we would just ask him.  My daughter every night asks me to come into her room to tap her and give her a massage.  She asks for me to come.  Do I do the same thing with Heavenly Father?  Do I ask for Him to come help me?  Do I ask Him to take away the worries I have or to help me find ways of how to better cope or remove them from my life?
I know He would in a heartbeat help us "Become" something better if we just asked Him and listened.  When I talk to my kids they tell me what they are worried about and I want to listen to them so I can help them.  When I talk to my kids I hope they will do the same thing and listen.  As I listened to my daughter she taught me about a weakness I had.  I payed attention because I wanted to be better.  I didn't want to have to yell at my daughter to do something.  I wanted to be calm and help her understand how listening to my voice would protect her.  Sometimes we get so caught up in the world around us the spirit has to give us an urging with a strong voice because we aren't listening.  When we learn to listen better to the promptings from the spirit protect and guide us.

After having this thought I finished putting my daughter to bed.  With a big hug and kiss I told her how important she was to me and how much I loved her.  Then I said I was sorry I had yelled at her.  She told me she forgave me.  Then I got tears in my eyes because of this sweet little girl.  Entering the bedtime experience I was not happy with my kids and wondering why I even had them.  Exiting my bedtime routine I had a different perspective.  I loved my children with a deeper love and I knew why I had them.  My children are here to help me become someone far better than I could have imagined for myself.  They test me, push me, love me, forgive me, and believe in me.  They are the example of how the Savior and our Heavenly Father feel towards us.  They love us.  They test us so our capacities are increased.  They push us to become who they know we can become. They forgive us! They believe in us, that we can do what they need us to do and that we are doing good things in our lives.  Most importantly again our Savior and Heavenly Father love us!  I'm thankful for my children and how they teach me of the workings of the Savior and Heavenly Father.  They help me know how I can be better and I love them for loving me on my good days and bad days.  They taught me what I needed to change was to listen to them and the spirit with greater focus and act!  I want to listen and act!

Climbing Our Walls

Over the weekend my husband and I went to a class in Salt Lake City to enhance the communication and love within our marriage!  My husband was not excited at first, but by lunch of the first day he was loving the experience.  I felt like it was a win for our team and marriage!  The three days we spent there were filled with tears, laughter, understandings, insights, and hope for the ability to change.  One of the things we connected with was about the power that comes from being in sync with each other.  So, they taught us to sway every day to build unity and power in our marriage.  One of the times that we were swaying during the class they played a song by Labyrinth called Beneath Your Beautiful.  If you haven't listened to it or heard of it go find it.  The lyrics touched my soul and opened the flood gates in my eyes.  A phrase in the song says, "You've built your wall so high That no one could climb it, But I'm gonna try."  I felt the song was speaking directly to me.  I had built my walls so high.  I didn't want anyone to climb those walls, but here is the man I love looking at me. I started crying as his eyes told me these walls don't matter because I'm going to try and climb them.

I thought of what makes me build walls.  Have I been hurt by someone that I love?  Did I make a mistake and feel embarrassed?  What causes the walls I have around me and around my heart to stand so strong when I feel so weak sometimes?  I have felt like my walls will never come down, it doesn't matter who tries to break them down.  It comes down to me and asking for the help of my Savior.  If I really want to break free from the prison I hold myself within, isolated from the outside world, I must reach out.  Reach outside of my walls to the Savior's always out reached hand and grab hold.  Grab hold and have him help me.  At first glance I thought this song was about my husband wanting to help me by saying he would try to climb these walls I've built.  But I know the deeper meaning of these lyrics is talking about my Savior.  He says, "Brittny you've built your walls so high, that no one could climb them, but I'm gonna try."  He will always try to reach us even if we try to put ourselves out of His reach by building these walls.  He is the one that will always try, but will I let Him in.

I'm going to try and do better at letting Him.  When I feel weak instead of thinking I can do it myself and build my wall a little thicker, I'm going to ask for His help.  He wants me to learn to ask for His help even though He is so willing to give it.  I'm the one who needs to learn to rely on Him and when I do I will become more than I thought I could be.