Climbing Our Walls

Over the weekend my husband and I went to a class in Salt Lake City to enhance the communication and love within our marriage!  My husband was not excited at first, but by lunch of the first day he was loving the experience.  I felt like it was a win for our team and marriage!  The three days we spent there were filled with tears, laughter, understandings, insights, and hope for the ability to change.  One of the things we connected with was about the power that comes from being in sync with each other.  So, they taught us to sway every day to build unity and power in our marriage.  One of the times that we were swaying during the class they played a song by Labyrinth called Beneath Your Beautiful.  If you haven't listened to it or heard of it go find it.  The lyrics touched my soul and opened the flood gates in my eyes.  A phrase in the song says, "You've built your wall so high That no one could climb it, But I'm gonna try."  I felt the song was speaking directly to me.  I had built my walls so high.  I didn't want anyone to climb those walls, but here is the man I love looking at me. I started crying as his eyes told me these walls don't matter because I'm going to try and climb them.

I thought of what makes me build walls.  Have I been hurt by someone that I love?  Did I make a mistake and feel embarrassed?  What causes the walls I have around me and around my heart to stand so strong when I feel so weak sometimes?  I have felt like my walls will never come down, it doesn't matter who tries to break them down.  It comes down to me and asking for the help of my Savior.  If I really want to break free from the prison I hold myself within, isolated from the outside world, I must reach out.  Reach outside of my walls to the Savior's always out reached hand and grab hold.  Grab hold and have him help me.  At first glance I thought this song was about my husband wanting to help me by saying he would try to climb these walls I've built.  But I know the deeper meaning of these lyrics is talking about my Savior.  He says, "Brittny you've built your walls so high, that no one could climb them, but I'm gonna try."  He will always try to reach us even if we try to put ourselves out of His reach by building these walls.  He is the one that will always try, but will I let Him in.

I'm going to try and do better at letting Him.  When I feel weak instead of thinking I can do it myself and build my wall a little thicker, I'm going to ask for His help.  He wants me to learn to ask for His help even though He is so willing to give it.  I'm the one who needs to learn to rely on Him and when I do I will become more than I thought I could be.