My husband and I have been married for a 8 1/2 years and during that time frame I have been pregnant 12 times. 5 of those will be babies I get to hold in my arms and kiss and hug and the other 7 have died at 6 weeks, 8 weeks and even 4 months. Each time I was pregnant I could feel a difference in my body like something special was happening even when I was really sick. I knew I was getting to create a miracle. The chances of a women getting pregnant are a 1 in 4 million chance, quite a miracle. It's amazing that I've had the opportunity to participate in the creation of life as many times as I have even though it hasn't always turned out how I wanted it to.
I've learned in this process over and over again that I am a creator. No one has been able to duplicate the human body and what it is capable of. We don't even know all of it's capabilities but I and women all over the world have been able to create life within us. No one does it just like another. We do our best caring for the lives inside of us taking care to nurture and sustain it to give it the best possible chance at succeeding. We feel the potential this tiny life has. We have hopes and dreams for their future. We hope they are going to be healthy. We wonder what we can do to give them a better life. We wonder if we are capable of helping them become someone who can be kind, generous, and touch the lives around them in positive ways. We feel scared sometimes that we won't be a good enough mom. We hope to instill in them the value of hard work and going after their dreams. We want them to know we love them unconditionally and that they matter to us. I am a mother, a woman, and a creator of one of the most miraculous things this world has ever known of: human life.
Human life is amazing. We can change and grow. We develop attributes that help us contribute to the world around us. We learn how to adapt to our environments. We are remarkable and we should celebrate the miracle of our lives because we too were born and developed because of a miracle. I have tried and I'm not near as great at this as I would love to be but I have tried to help my children realize that they are a miracle. They should be grateful for their lives and the lives of others because of this knowledge. Something I do every day is I tell my children I love them and I hug and kiss them because I want their world and their lives to be filled with love. When they are filled with love and they know they are loved they will show love to others. I try to help them see how valuable they are to me and their dad. When I value them and their lives. They will value the lives of those around them. I teach them to pray for people who are struggling and that they can go to their divine Creator for guidance and that they matter to Him. That's what's important to me.
I love being a mother. It motivates me to be better and to reach for my potential. I want to be great for my kids and there is no better support system then having your kids cheer you on. When they tell you they are proud of you and so glad you are their mom the days you yelled or wanted to hide in your closet don't matter anymore. You know you can be better and that you are raising great kids who can still see your potential even when you don't see it. That's the type of human being you wanted to help create. It's what I as a mom want to do for my children. Starting inside the womb the desires start and after birth when you see them growing and learning it makes everything worth it.
I whole heartedly support the life within the womb. Those babies have personalities and you know when they are happy and when they are struggling. I knew when we lost our baby at 4 months that for the previous month something hadn't been right. Something wasn't okay and when we went into our doctor and didn't find a heartbeat I was devastated. We found in the ultrasound a couple weeks later that the baby had been being reabsorbed by my body. I miscarried another 10 days later. I could feel that from the baby that something wasn't right, and I can't imagine having an experience where I knew the baby was okay and getting rid of that life on purpose. I had tried everything I could and prayed and hoped it would all be a mistake that my doctor was wrong. I was hoping for a miracle to keep that life but I had already experienced the miracle and that was getting pregnant. I got to carry that little life for a short time and it was worth it. It wasn't a mistake, neither were the other 6 times we lost babies, or the 4 about to be 5 live births. Life isn't a mistake it's a miracle. God doesn't make mistakes. He makes miracles and it's what we do with those miracles we are blessed with as mothers, fathers, families, and friends that make the biggest difference for good or for bad. I'm grateful I wasn't a miracle that someone thought was a mistake and got rid of, because now I get to choose. Everyday I choose to be a mother and I'm so grateful. I say out loud, "I willingly and openly embrace my role as a mother to protect, teach, and nurture my children and make our home a sanctuary of faith and peace." I'm a woman, a mother, and a lover of the miracle of life.
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