A New Day

I've been having the hardest time writing my thoughts down because I felt that once I had shared my thoughts I had to be different somehow.  It was like I had to live up to someone else's expectation of me and where I was headed.  I finally had some clarity though.  I'm not writing my thoughts on a blog because someone told me I should.  I'm writing my thought down because I felt that God wanted me to.  He is the one that knows what I need to write and share.  He is the one that knows where I am going and who I can become.  When I listen to what He tells me, then it's easier to think and feel truth.  I feel peace and have understanding.  When I listen to what I think others want me to say or how they want me to interpret certain situations I get confused.  I don't like being confused.  I like having that sense of clarity that lets you see how things are working together.  I like having purpose and direction which I'm sure is what many of us are searching for.

So, today is a new day.  A day for me to listen to what God wants for me.  He is the one that is teaching me how to be the best version of myself.  He will use people along the way to help lift and encourage me, but ultimately it is through His guiding hand.  When I do things the way He guides me to I'm a better person.  Of course, I'm also stubborn so I kick against what He says and continually find myself back in a confused state wondering why I didn't listen to Him as He was guiding my life.  I don't want to keep experiencing this up and down and twirl around motion.  I want to move upward and forward.  Hopefully I'll be able to give you the real version of me that struggles, triumphs, progresses and is guided because I know those things are what help us on our journey of becoming who we need to become.

The Tortoise and the Hare

Do you ever feel like you get burnt out?  I have felt that often throughout my life.  I push myself too hard and then I lake the motivation to keep going at the same pace.  When I do something I don't like to give 50% or less than 100%.  I like to give it everything I've got until I'm completely exhausted.  That's what happened over this last weekend.

We have tree stumps, weeds, and clumps of dirt all over our yard.  When one says yard I think nice grass you can play in.  Our yard was the opposite of that.  It was a trap for all sorts of entanglements with the gopher holes, the torn down fences, and the piles of weeds.  So, we decided that over the next few weeks we were going to rip all the junk out and get rid of it, till the dirt and get some grass planted.  I started Friday and loaded the trailer with the branches and tree stumps from the yard.  Then I ripped out a fence and raked all the weeds together.  Then I took a the load of wood and dumped it at my in-laws, just so I could get back and burn all the weeds before my husband came home.  I got it done, but I was exhausted.  I knew we still had another couple of hours worth of work left with a little tractor and getting the tree stumps out.  We worked until dark and the next day we finished off that project at our house and went to my in-laws to take out their tree stumps.  I fell into bed Saturday night exhausted.  My body ached but felt good from the physical labor.  Monday came and I attacked the yard again with the tiller going full steam ahead.  By Wednesday my body was so tired and sore I didn't want to do anything. 

I felt it hit.  I didn't want to keep up with my projects.  I didn't think I could keep up this maniac pace of going and going.  I knew from the cycle I was seeing that I was going to crash.  I prayed to ask for help to be able to keep going and I had the gentle reminder come to mind of the story, "The Tortoise and the Hare".  I instantly knew, I was the hare.  The hare in the story just wants to win so he sprints from the get go.  Then he gets so far ahead he lays down to rest.  When he wakes up the tortoise has passed him, so he sprints off to pass the tortoise once again.  Once he is far ahead and quite tired from sprinting he lays down to take a rest.  This happens throughout the story.  The racing to get ahead, then the resting from being tired and thinking he can take a break. The tortoise ends up winning because he was slow, steady, and consistent.  He kept up a sustainable pace.  What I have been doing throughout my life is being like the hare.  I want to do it right now and I want it to be great, so I sprint.  Then I get burnt out and decide to take a rest.  Then it's weeks sometimes before I get back up to sprint again on the projects I have.  This may seem crazy to do the back and forth thing, but I know there are probably times in everyone's lives when they have this experience.  

I'm hoping that I can learn the importance of being steady and consistently doing things every day which will help me win the race.  There is a scripture I love that says, "By small and simple things are great thing brought to pass."  Small things are things we can consistently do every day that make the great things happen in our lives.  Praying is something simple to do but do we do it consistently?  Are we expressing gratitude every day?  It's a really small thing to do, but when you do it the whole world seems so much brighter.  Then you look at the other things in our lives that we do consistently that aren't helping us move forward.  I'm sure that everyone has something like this in their life.  I know I have things I do that aren't helping me and things that are.  I know I'm much happier when I'm doing the small and simple actions that are bringing great blessings and changes into my life.  When I make my baby giggle and we laugh together, there is nothing sweeter.  When I consistently pray with my kids they learn who to turn to.  When I sit and play on my phone, then that's what they want to do too.  I'm the role model for my children and the one who gets to teach them how to learn consistency through small and simple things.  I'm grateful for stories that teach me the lessons of life and how I can change to become someone better on my journey. 

Focus on the Best Things

Have you ever been so overwhelmed at all there is to do in a day, a week, a month, or a lifetime?  There is a lot of good things for us to do and to put our focus on.  As I've been thinking about the things there are to do, I was reminded of a talk and an experience I had almost two years ago.

We were living in Texas and I had been trying to start a new business, which wasn't working out great.  I was really sick and trying to get rid of a cancer causing parasite in my uterus.  I had recently had two miscarriages.  I had three children under three.  I was stressed out.  I saw everything the people on my Facebook feed were doing and I wondered how I would ever keep up.  I knew there were so many things I wanted and needed to do, but how was I ever going to find the time to do them.  I felt overwhelmed thinking about everything, but I had to keep pushing forward because everyone around me was.  I was becoming depressed because of this weight I was carrying.  

Then one day as I was studying my scriptures I had this thought come.  It wasn't related to anything I was reading, but I decided I had better act on it.  The thought was, "Write down all the things that I wanted or needed to do." So, I began writing a list down of all these things.  I was writing furiously because there was just so much to do.  As I got to about number 17 on my list I had another thought come to mind.  The thought was, "Now go back through your list and cross off everything you want or need to do because someone else does it or they told you, you need to."  As I began crossing off things on my list, I'm thinking to myself,  "Why am I doing this?  I don't understand what this is all about."  Then another thought came for me to look back at my list.  As I looked at the scribbled writing of things I thought were so important many of them were crossed out.  There were a few things left on my list which I don't remember what they are now but they all had something in common.  They were all something that I had received a prompting from the Spirit to do.  I began crying as I realized that my load seemed a bit lighter, and that maybe I could keep pushing forward and actually enjoy it.

The next day I read a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks titled "Good, Better, Best".   I knew why I had, had those promptings the previous day because He wanted me to focus on the best things, even though the other things on my list I'm sure were good things or even better things, he wanted me to focus on the best.  That experienced has changed my life and I've thought about it a lot since I had it because I see it all the time.  I get around women and men who will say they are so busy because they have so much to do.  Then there are others who will say they feel overwhelmed because of all there is to do and they don't know where to even start.  I've come to learn the place to start is by talking to the Lord or writing down a list.  

Write down a list of the things you want to do or need to do.  Go through it and get rid of the stuff that someone else told you, you need to do or that you want to do.  Then look at the remainder.  If there still feels like there is a lot of things mark them by what the good, better or best things are.  The things left on my list were things God had told me to do, but all the other things I was trying to do were crowding the best things out of my life.  When I focused on the best things on that list I felt peace and let go of all those things that I had scratched off my list.  It doesn't mean none of those things will at some point become the best things for me to do, but it does mean that right then the Lord knew what was best for me.  He knows whats best for all of us and the best things for us to focus on.  I'm grateful that He reminded me of that this morning as I was studying and came across Elder Oaks talk once again.  He must have known I needed a reminder to focus on the best things right now and spending time with my kids is one of those! So, until another prompting comes I'll be playing in the dirt with my kids.