Listen & Act

I had one of those days yesterday where I wondered to myself, "Why did I have kids?"  They had been into everything all day long.  There had been multiple fights and tantrums.  My daughter had yelled at me telling me it was my fault we had missed a performance of "The Little Mermaid", not even thinking about the 30 minutes we spent sitting in the parking structure that was bursting at the seams with cars looking for spots as well.  By the end of the day I knew I needed to do something different, but I wasn't sure what.

So, as I started into my night time routine with my kids I had some thoughts come.  I started with my oldest son and began with a little massage I do to ease his muscles from growing pains and the things that weigh on him during the day.  As I'm massaging him I ask him how his day was.  He tells me, "It was the worst day ever."  I asked him why.  He says, "Because we didn't go to the park, we didn't watch a movie as a family, I didn't get to be home with everyone."  My heart softens to hear the things that make up his worst day and I just want to love away his worries.  I'm pretty sure I can fix at least the first two things on his list and realize when he is home with everyone we need to be with everyone.  We need to put away the electronics and talk.  He tells me, "Mom, I love talking."  I said, "If you could talk all day long you would, huh?" "Yep!"  He just wants to talk with us, so I want to make sure we are talking and listening to each other more as a family.  I tell him goodnight and that I love him so much.  Then I say, "Lets make tomorrow the best day ever!"  He grins from ear to ear and goes to sleep with a great weight off his shoulders.

I move onto my third who's a boy.  He loves the massage and constantly tells me, "Mom, one more time."  By the time I'm done giving him a massage that one time turned into 10 or 15.  He tells me about the cars laying in his bed and asks me to tell him a story.  He wanted my time and attention, which I hadn't done a very good job at that day.  He seems to have more worries when I don't focus on spending daily quality time with him and he needs that from me and his dad.  At the end of his massage I ask him if he feels better.  He nods his heavy eyes and snuggles in.  I tell him goodnight and that I love him.  He says, "Love you, Mom."  What a sweet little boy.

Then I finally get over to my daughter's room.  I sit down and ask her if she wants a hand massage.  She says, "Yes!"  I ask her how her day was and she says, "It was pretty good Mom except when you yelled at me for being out of my seatbelt when we were driving."  I explained to her why I had yelled about the seatbelt and why she needed to wear her seatbelt.  I told her I wanted her to be safe and how her seatbelt would protect her if we were in an accident.  I told her I loved her so much I wanted to protect her, and that maybe I shouldn't have yelled but she wasn't listening.  That is when the thought came to me of how Heavenly Father works.

Heavenly Father would take the time with us each night to talk about our concerns, worries, triumphs, and anything else every night before we went to bed if we would just ask him.  My daughter every night asks me to come into her room to tap her and give her a massage.  She asks for me to come.  Do I do the same thing with Heavenly Father?  Do I ask for Him to come help me?  Do I ask Him to take away the worries I have or to help me find ways of how to better cope or remove them from my life?
I know He would in a heartbeat help us "Become" something better if we just asked Him and listened.  When I talk to my kids they tell me what they are worried about and I want to listen to them so I can help them.  When I talk to my kids I hope they will do the same thing and listen.  As I listened to my daughter she taught me about a weakness I had.  I payed attention because I wanted to be better.  I didn't want to have to yell at my daughter to do something.  I wanted to be calm and help her understand how listening to my voice would protect her.  Sometimes we get so caught up in the world around us the spirit has to give us an urging with a strong voice because we aren't listening.  When we learn to listen better to the promptings from the spirit protect and guide us.

After having this thought I finished putting my daughter to bed.  With a big hug and kiss I told her how important she was to me and how much I loved her.  Then I said I was sorry I had yelled at her.  She told me she forgave me.  Then I got tears in my eyes because of this sweet little girl.  Entering the bedtime experience I was not happy with my kids and wondering why I even had them.  Exiting my bedtime routine I had a different perspective.  I loved my children with a deeper love and I knew why I had them.  My children are here to help me become someone far better than I could have imagined for myself.  They test me, push me, love me, forgive me, and believe in me.  They are the example of how the Savior and our Heavenly Father feel towards us.  They love us.  They test us so our capacities are increased.  They push us to become who they know we can become. They forgive us! They believe in us, that we can do what they need us to do and that we are doing good things in our lives.  Most importantly again our Savior and Heavenly Father love us!  I'm thankful for my children and how they teach me of the workings of the Savior and Heavenly Father.  They help me know how I can be better and I love them for loving me on my good days and bad days.  They taught me what I needed to change was to listen to them and the spirit with greater focus and act!  I want to listen and act!

Climbing Our Walls

Over the weekend my husband and I went to a class in Salt Lake City to enhance the communication and love within our marriage!  My husband was not excited at first, but by lunch of the first day he was loving the experience.  I felt like it was a win for our team and marriage!  The three days we spent there were filled with tears, laughter, understandings, insights, and hope for the ability to change.  One of the things we connected with was about the power that comes from being in sync with each other.  So, they taught us to sway every day to build unity and power in our marriage.  One of the times that we were swaying during the class they played a song by Labyrinth called Beneath Your Beautiful.  If you haven't listened to it or heard of it go find it.  The lyrics touched my soul and opened the flood gates in my eyes.  A phrase in the song says, "You've built your wall so high That no one could climb it, But I'm gonna try."  I felt the song was speaking directly to me.  I had built my walls so high.  I didn't want anyone to climb those walls, but here is the man I love looking at me. I started crying as his eyes told me these walls don't matter because I'm going to try and climb them.

I thought of what makes me build walls.  Have I been hurt by someone that I love?  Did I make a mistake and feel embarrassed?  What causes the walls I have around me and around my heart to stand so strong when I feel so weak sometimes?  I have felt like my walls will never come down, it doesn't matter who tries to break them down.  It comes down to me and asking for the help of my Savior.  If I really want to break free from the prison I hold myself within, isolated from the outside world, I must reach out.  Reach outside of my walls to the Savior's always out reached hand and grab hold.  Grab hold and have him help me.  At first glance I thought this song was about my husband wanting to help me by saying he would try to climb these walls I've built.  But I know the deeper meaning of these lyrics is talking about my Savior.  He says, "Brittny you've built your walls so high, that no one could climb them, but I'm gonna try."  He will always try to reach us even if we try to put ourselves out of His reach by building these walls.  He is the one that will always try, but will I let Him in.

I'm going to try and do better at letting Him.  When I feel weak instead of thinking I can do it myself and build my wall a little thicker, I'm going to ask for His help.  He wants me to learn to ask for His help even though He is so willing to give it.  I'm the one who needs to learn to rely on Him and when I do I will become more than I thought I could be.