Do you ever feel like there are so many things you should be doing and want to do that it becomes extremely overwhelming. Pretty soon all the thoughts of everything you should do starts to bombard you with ideas of how you could really pick up your prayers or work more on yourself. Then the ideas come of how you could better succeed at whatever your business venture is whether in a work place or working from home. Then you realize you have three little kids scrambling around your feet or wrapped around your body and you know you need to be better for them … The list goes on of all the things we could be doing and today was one of those days that I felt like I was drowning in a never ending pool and pile of things that I could read, do, study, and what not. I was feeling pumped up about new ideas and feeling guilty that I hadn’t been better at other things. I was attacking myself for all the inadequacies I had and for not being perfect at doing everything that came to my mind. It was frustrating because I knew better than to think I could do everything right now perfectly or even half of them. I was guilt tripping myself and tearing myself down. It wasn’t anyone else doing this to me; it was all me. I seriously needed something to change … but there I was well into the afternoon in my pajamas and at my breaking point.
As I sat there in my pajamas still unshowered and looking at my life thinking what do I do with all of this. I felt lost and a little forsaken because no one really understood how I was really feeling or what was going through my mind. I just wanted a break to have my mind calm down and not think about anything. I wanted peace. I wanted to find something and to feel something I couldn’t quite get a hold of. It seemed like whatever I was trying to find was just out of my reach. It was like at the beginning of the day I had started by sitting in a rope swing with a solid peace of wood underneath me. I had began my morning with prayer which I felt was going to make my day so much better than other days I had been having recently. Then throughout the day that rope swing broke and I was left holding on to one of the strands of rope and the threads were unraveling and breaking rapidly. That rope of strength and stability was becoming weaker and weaker right before my eyes. If something didn’t happen soon I would fall and I didn’t know where I was going to land. My kids had been fighting with each other and my baby was crying from his new teeth coming in and I didn’t think I could handle being in my house for another minute. I needed to take desperate measures. I was losing any sanity or hope for myself.
So, I quickly locked myself in my bedroom to find some sanity. I got down on my knees pleading with my Heavenly Father to please help me. As I started to pray and the tears started pouring down my cheeks I begged for the enabling power of the atonement to please help me. Help me find stability. Help me find hope and peace. Help me know I am worth something and to calm my mind. Help me please to know that Thou art there for me. As I prayed I had this thought come to my mind. Jesus Christ knows how you feel. He has already felt this. I felt a small flicker of light come back and my rope stopped unthreading. I was still hanging but I wasn’t as exhausted hanging there as I had been earlier. Christ was helping lift me in the moment as I sat there struggling. Did He make everything perfect right then and fix my rope swing? No, He didn’t but I felt more hope that it would be okay. He was helping me. He would direct me down the path that I needed to go that would be best for me and help me learn how to repair my swing to find stability within myself and my life. Wherever I go from here I know He is there to help. He will not always take the burden from us but He will make it lighter. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28. I felt that rest today in the slight ease of a burden that I felt I would surely suffocate under.
I know I’ve had moments like this before in my life where I have felt this lightening of a load but I have also felt other things or received different answers. I think each time was different because in each different moment I was more aware to recognize an answer in a certain way. I know that our Savior can do this for each of us. Each of our struggles are different and unique to us and we will each handle those differently because of our unique characteristics that Heavenly Father gave to us. I hope that if anything from this post you see that others struggle. We all have moments of despair. We also have moments that are wonderful and happy as well. You aren’t a bad person if you have felt this you are human. Today was a rough day but I’m glad it got better or at least to a stopping point of the downward spiral.
I really feel like this week a way to become the best version of ourselves is by learning how to prioritize what is important in our lives. The most important being yourself! So, this week write down all the things that you want, think, or need to be doing to be a better version of yourself. Then prioritize them. What are the good things, the better things and the best things we can be doing. I’m going to be trying this and I will let you know how it works for me this week! Best of luck and may Heavenly Father guide you!
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