Do the words of Christ lead you to Act?

I don’t know why this post has been so hard for me to write but I have written three different posts and now four.  I think there have been so many things running through my mind that it was hard to decide what it was that I felt was most important to share.  I have continually been pondering on the things that I was taught by the spirit this week and not one thing stood out in particular so it was difficult to narrow down what message Heavenly Father wanted me to share. 

Through the many different thoughts and feelings this week I have had the constant reminder that I need to act.  I need to act upon the things that I’m taught.  When I receive a prompting I need to act.  When I have a question come when I’m reading I need to act and seek for answers.  When I have done something wrong I need to act.  When I need peace I need to act by feasting on the words of Christ.  I have come to realize that feasting upon the words of Christ helps me to act.  When I’m studying the Book of Mormon or reading from the Bible I’m given thoughts and impressions from the Holy Ghost on something I should do, ask, or ponder about.  When I leave it at that in my notes I am not acting.  I’m letting the words of Christ tell me what I should do but doing nothing further.

In 2 Nephi 32:3 it says, “… feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, they will tell you all things that ye should do.”  Then in verse 8 of the same chapter it says, “… I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me … For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray …”.  I feel that Nephi is telling us here why are you still thinking about what you have heard?  Why aren’t you acting in faith and praying?  Listen and hearken to the spirit that will teach you how to pray.  I had found that I was doing this.  I would have questions come but thought I didn’t have the time to go back and study my questions.  Or I thought it was okay to just think about what I had been given.  It is not okay.  It is okay to ponder but we need to ask in prayer.  In verse 4 of chapter 32 it says, “… after I have spoken these words if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark.”

 If we cannot understand the words of the Lord in our own lives and times it is because we don’t ask and knock.  Asking and knocking is taking action.  It is praying about the things the spirit prompts us about.  How often are you feasting upon the words of Christ?  Is it a sporadic experience or are you coming to the feast on a daily basis ready to learn?  When you are feasting on His words, do thoughts come of how you can be better or someone you can serve?  Do you find areas of your testimony that need strengthen through prayer?  Are there things you feel you need to do? 

Throughout my feasting this week I felt that I needed to go back and look at all the questions I had been prompted about.  I needed to look at the things I felt I should learn and things I needed to do.  As I went back and wrote out a list with those things I saw many items dealing with developing personally and ways to become a better disciple of Christ.  I would challenge each of you to go back through your study journals that include scripture study, reading talks, or listening to talks and search for questions, learning and doing applications in your writings, then act.  Choose one item each day and study it to find an answer.  Or act upon a thought you had and ask what else the Lord needs you to do that day.  Continue to write in your journal as you study and you will see that the Lord will continue to strengthen you as you turn to Him in prayer asking for His help.  He blesses us as we feast upon His words and His words tell us all things we should do.

HIS will or yours

     Do you find yourself fighting against God? Do you act the first time when you get a prompting or does it take some effort to get you to act?  I for one know there have been times in my life I have fought against God.  I didn't fully realized I was doing that until I was in my 2nd Pathway group meeting (This is a 1 year program through BYU-Idaho to get you back into continuing your education.) Thursday night this week.

We were in our Book of Mormon class and discussing when Nephi slays Laban ( 1 Nephi 4:10-18).   Nephi is constrained or compelled to kill Laban by the spirit and in his heart he says, "Never at any time have I shed the blood of man.  And I shrunk and would that I might not slay him."(v.10)  So, the spirit comes again and says, "The Lord hath delivered him into thy hands."(v.11)  Nephi recognizes it and knows Laban has tried to kill him before. Then, the spirit comes back again and says, "Slay him for the Lord hath delivered him into thy hands."(v.12) Then the spirit gives him the reason why he keeps getting told to kill Laban.  "The Lord slayeth the wicked to bring forth his righteous purposes. It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief."(v.13)  So, after this back and forth and some remembering for Nephi he obeys the voice of the Spirit.

Why did it take him the back and forth between the spirit before he finally decides to obey?  I don't know for sure but what I do know is that there is an important lesson I learned from having this discussion in class.  I learned that there are times in my life when I have been faced with a big dilemma and here comes the voice of the spirit telling me to do something.  I don't want to do it so I say nothing or do nothing.  Ultimately I'm saying, "No Lord I know better and I'm not doing that."  I didn't even recognize I how much I have fought against God when I receive a prompting to do something until Tara made comment of how Nephi fought the Lord, but in the end he said Lord you know best, so I will obey.  He submitted his will to the will of the Lord's.

I experienced this with marrying my husband.  We had begun dating and almost from the beginning I had the prompting to tell him that I loved him.  I said, "No Lord.  I'm not going to be the phsyco girlfriend that is attached way to easily."  I felt that prompting every day and didn't do anything for two weeks.  Then that prompting became, "You need to tell him you love him and that you feel you are suppose to marry him."  In response to that prompting I said, "Heck no.  I'm not doing that.  It's too soon and I'm not going to be a BYU statistic."  That prompting continued for another 2 weeks.  Finally, we had gone to the temple together and sitting in the celestial room Eric leaned over to me and said what are you thinking about.  I blatantly said, "I'm fighting with God." I had been everyday for a month because I thought I knew what was best and that quite honestly Heavenly Father was crazy.  When we left the temple that day I finally got to the point where I said, "Okay Heavenly Father I'll say it but I'm not going to be surprised when he runs for the hills."  I told him later that day the promptings I had received and he said, "Okay, I love you too and feel the same way."  I had finally submitted my will to the will of the Lord and it had turned out way better than I thought it was going to.  We were engaged 5 weeks later and married 6 weeks after that.

The lesson I learned and I think we all call learn is that the Lord sees the beginning from end.  He knows all and when we are prompted to do something we should act.  I was extremely humbled when everything turned out well with my husband during all those promptings.  For the last couple days now I have been feeling like how could I have been so prideful to tell the Lord what is best for me in all those times I have fought against Him.  It's a humbling experience to realize how wrong you are and also to obey and see the blessings come from following the promptings of the spirit.

I hope we each can take a few moments to think of what is going on in our lives right now.  Are we receiving promptings that we are fighting against because we feel we know better? Are we scared to act upon the prompting because of the unknown?  Is the prompting something we said we would never do, so we really never want to do it? (This has happened to me and was a $40,000 lesson. Very big humbling experience when I finally acted upon the prompting.)  Write down those promptings and take your concerns to the Lord.  He will help you.  These promptings come to make you a better person and so He can help us grow in ways that He knows we need.  I'm sure Nephi needed that experience of killing Laban just as much as we each need the experience of doing those things that sometimes take us out of our comfort zone to test, try and stretch us.  This has been a great experience for me and I hope it can be for you too!

The Rope Swing

Do you ever feel like there are so many things you should be doing and want to do that it becomes extremely overwhelming.  Pretty soon all the thoughts of everything you should do starts to bombard you with ideas of how you could really pick up your prayers or work more on yourself.  Then the ideas come of how you could better succeed at whatever your business venture is whether in a work place or working from home.  Then you realize you have three little kids scrambling around your feet or wrapped around your body and you know you need to be better for them … The list goes on of all the things we could be doing and today was one of those days that I felt like I was drowning in a never ending pool and pile of things that I could read, do, study, and what not.  I was feeling pumped up about new ideas and feeling guilty that I hadn’t been better at other things.  I was attacking myself for all the inadequacies I had and for not being perfect at doing everything that came to my mind.  It was frustrating because I knew better than to think I could do everything right now perfectly or even half of them.  I was guilt tripping myself and tearing myself down.  It wasn’t anyone else doing this to me; it was all me.  I seriously needed something to change … but there I was well into the afternoon in my pajamas and at my breaking point.

As I sat there in my pajamas still unshowered and looking at my life thinking what do I do with all of this.  I felt lost and a little forsaken because no one really understood how I was really feeling or what was going through my mind.  I just wanted a break to have my mind calm down and not think about anything.  I wanted peace.  I wanted to find something and to feel something I couldn’t quite get a hold of.  It seemed like whatever I was trying to find was just out of my reach.  It was like at the beginning of the day I had started by sitting in a rope swing with a solid peace of wood underneath me.  I had began my morning with prayer which I felt was going to make my day so much better than other days I had been having recently.  Then throughout the day that rope swing broke and I was left  holding on to one of the strands of rope and the threads were unraveling and breaking rapidly.  That rope of strength and stability was becoming weaker and weaker right before my eyes.   If something didn’t happen soon I would fall and I didn’t know where I was going to land.  My kids had been fighting with each other and my baby was crying from his new teeth coming in and I didn’t think I could handle being in my house for another minute.  I needed to take desperate measures.  I was losing any sanity or hope for myself.

So, I quickly locked myself in my bedroom to find some sanity.  I got down on my knees pleading with my Heavenly Father to please help me.  As I started to pray and the tears started pouring down my cheeks I begged for the enabling power of the atonement to please help me.  Help me find stability.  Help me find hope and peace.  Help me know I am worth something and to calm my mind.  Help me please to know that Thou art there for me.  As I prayed I had this thought come to my mind. Jesus Christ knows how you feel.  He has already felt this.  I felt a small flicker of light come back and my rope stopped unthreading.  I was still hanging but I wasn’t as exhausted hanging there as I had been earlier. Christ was helping lift me in the moment as I sat there struggling.  Did He make everything perfect right then and fix my rope swing? No, He didn’t but I felt more hope that it would be okay.  He was helping me.  He would direct me down the path that I needed to go that would be best for me and help me learn how to repair my swing to find stability within myself and my life.  Wherever I go from here I know He is there to help. He will not always take the burden from us but He will make it lighter. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28. I felt that rest today in the slight ease of a burden that I felt I would surely suffocate under.  

I know I’ve had moments like this before in my life where I have felt this lightening of a load but I have also felt other things or received different answers.  I think each time was different because in each different moment I was more aware to recognize an answer in a certain way. I know that our Savior can do this for each of us.  Each of our struggles are different and unique to us and we will each handle those differently because of our unique characteristics that Heavenly Father gave to us.  I hope that if anything from this post you see that others struggle.  We all have moments of despair.  We also have moments that are wonderful and happy as well.  You aren’t a bad person if you have felt this you are human. Today was a rough day but I’m glad it got better or at least to a stopping point of the downward spiral.  

I really feel like this week a way to become the best version of ourselves is by learning how to prioritize what is important in our lives.  The most important being yourself!  So, this week write down all the things that you want, think, or need to be doing to be a better version of yourself.  Then prioritize them.  What are the good things, the better things and the best things we can be doing.  I’m going to be trying this and I will let you know how it works for me this week! Best of luck and may Heavenly Father guide you! 

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